Getting Sappy...

This time of the year, seems to get to me in a hard way. It has been 4 years since my mom has passed and it still feels like yesterday. I still fell lost and misplaced and sisters are all over the states and we can't manage to get together anymore. My mom was the glue that held our family together and the bond that we have are strong but not the kind that makes us spring back together like my mom could. My husbands family are sweet but they can't take the place of my family. I know that, that must some how sound wierd, it just makes me long for the innocence of my childhood and the comforting knowledge that my mom was always gonna be there. I remeber in fondness her strengh, laughter, her willingness to give. She tought me to be the kind of woman that doesn't need a man but likes to have him around. She tought me that love should never hurt no matter how many children you have. She tought me that no matter what anyone else thinks or says, I am beautiful. She told me that independece doesn't mean you have to be alone, it just means you CAN do it on your own! She would say, "If you don't stand up for yourself and what you believe in, no one else will!" My mom was wise beyond her years and was plagued with heart problems and diabeties.

I pray and hope that I make her proud and that the person I am, is the kind of person that she would want to be around. I am not perfect but I do try very hard to follow in her footsteps and be the example for my daughter as she was for me. I pray that the strength that she gave to me I can pass down to my little girl.

My heart aches for the time I no longer have with her, and all the things that I will not get to share with her on this earth. My heart aches even more for Anaya because she will only have my memories and my stories to know her Mom-Mom Sue. I think my mom would have spoiled the socks off of her, and wouldn't even appologise for it! I would be lying to you if I didn't say that I am still scared to death to face this world without her. Part of my identity is lost, because she is no longer around physically.


Mom,

I miss you so much! I wish that we had more time together, I wouldn't wish the health problems but I would wish for the chance to talk and go shopping and to learn how to be a better mom and wife. There are so many things that I would chat about and pick your brain over. Most of all I would find out if I make you proud? My heart aches and hurts so much because I can't just pick up the phone and call you. I can't even keep your kids together, everyone seems to not want to get together and spend time with each other, I miss them as well. When you passed it was like, we no longer had a connection or a reason to get together. I feel like an outsider between my own sibblings and I feel like they don't care. The only one that calls me on a regular bases is Matt. My dad is a jerk and I won't even go there. Anyway, I will stop complaning and get ready for bed, I love and miss you greatly, I'm trying to be strong but soemtimes it's really hard! Love always, your baby.

The Weight of the World!

Do you ever feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders? If your a mom you know how it feels. I sometimes feel like i'm going around and around in circles and i can't seem to get off of the ride or out of the loop. I have nothing to complain about and i'm truly blessed...so what is wrong with me? I REALLY don't know. I sometimes wish for the girl that i use to be could come back and join the woman that i am. Does that sound crazy or what? I think i'm loosing it today... Maybe it's all this rain we have been getting. The gray clouds do nothing for my mood except make it sad. The use to be my favorite thing before i had kids...now it keeps them inside and me feeling like a caged animal. ALL right that's enough of my pity party...let's go get a beer!

It's been a while...

I know, I know it's been a long time since i last wrote. So much has been going on since I last wrote. We had Anaya's birthday party and of course she was the star that she is. =)~ She cracks me up! She brings so much joy into my life and I wouldn't trade her for the world. I just can't say enough about her.

We had our Mother's Day, I got to sing to Anaya at church...of course she didn't want to sit still for the song though. It went well.

Memorial Day weekend we took of and went over to Clearwater (FL). We came home and had a HUGE barbecue at home with all the fam and friends who are here.

Now we are looking forward to this weekend, because we are going to NJ to go see my family. This is John's first time meeting my dad and my grand mom. They are going to love him as much as I do. I can't wait to go to Wildwood and Cowtown. Really fun places that if you have never been, you would never understand and love. I am looking forward to seeing my brother Matt and my sister Linda. My BFF from way back who has become my cousin (Anne) she s going through some ruff time right now and I can't wait to hang with her. She is the coolest of cool! She has some beautiful kids and a great hubby...You go ANNE! I love you, girl! see ya soon.

Blessed and Highly Favored...

It never ceases to amaze me just how wonderful my God is! I get to wake up every morning and spend time with my beautiful family and friends (who are my family). It is gorgeous out right now and Anaya and I are going to take full advantage of it.

We are planning her 3rd birthday party...can you believe she is going to be 3? I can't. She is so excited about it being a Luau! She likes dressing up in the hula skirt and the leis. I think she would love being in Hawaii. We just might have to take a trip there.

I just wanted to take a moment and tell everyone just how much I love them...


I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Photobucket Album

Resurection Sunday!

I hope that everyone had a wonderful Easter, filled with lots of family and friends. For those of you who don't know me very well, let me just share with you how I feel about Easter and Resurectin Sunday. I am a Christian and I love the Lord our God with all my heart. I am thankful that God sent His only begotten son to die on the cross for me and my sins. Jesus paid the biggest sacrifice of all, He gave his life for you and me. I'm not perfect and I don't claim to be, but I know that Jesus walked a hill called Calvary for all of us. He endured the pain and suffering that was placed upon Him, so that there would be nothing between Him and I or Him and you. The thought, that He could have called thousands of angels to fight for Him and didn't...makes me realize that He truelly loves me. Do you know Him? Do you know that He loves you just as much as He loves me? Do you know that He knows everything about you, the good and the bad? He still loves you! His heart longs to be close to you and He wants to have a personal relationship with you...all you have to do is open the doors of your heart and let Him in. I can promise you that you will never be the same afterwards.

I am blessed, I know I am...I got to worship and celibrate Easter and Resurection Sunday with the greatest choir that I have ever been apart of. To my choir family and friends you mean the world to me and I felt the Lord's presence strongly all weekend long. You guys remind me of who I am in Christ and help me to find who i'm gonna be. You guys ROCK! Paster Keith and Lisa, you guys hold a very special place in my heart and I thank God for your friendship and support always! You will never fully know what you guys have brought into my life by just being my family.

I hope that everyone had a wonderful day and I hope that you make everyday Resurection Sunday!

May you always keep Jesus in your heart and let His light shine through you!

It's been a while...

hey, I know it's been a while since I last wrote. There has been so many things going on here that time has passed me by.

Musical weekend is coming again and the rehearsals have been long and prosperous. I love Easter and Resurrection Sunday! I serve and Awesome God and I love sharing the "Good News" with everyone. I get seriously emotional, when I remember that Jesus died on the cross for my sins. If you have never seen the movie "Passion of the Christ". you need to.

May God bless you all, Happy Easter!