Getting Sappy...

This time of the year, seems to get to me in a hard way. It has been 4 years since my mom has passed and it still feels like yesterday. I still fell lost and misplaced and sisters are all over the states and we can't manage to get together anymore. My mom was the glue that held our family together and the bond that we have are strong but not the kind that makes us spring back together like my mom could. My husbands family are sweet but they can't take the place of my family. I know that, that must some how sound wierd, it just makes me long for the innocence of my childhood and the comforting knowledge that my mom was always gonna be there. I remeber in fondness her strengh, laughter, her willingness to give. She tought me to be the kind of woman that doesn't need a man but likes to have him around. She tought me that love should never hurt no matter how many children you have. She tought me that no matter what anyone else thinks or says, I am beautiful. She told me that independece doesn't mean you have to be alone, it just means you CAN do it on your own! She would say, "If you don't stand up for yourself and what you believe in, no one else will!" My mom was wise beyond her years and was plagued with heart problems and diabeties.

I pray and hope that I make her proud and that the person I am, is the kind of person that she would want to be around. I am not perfect but I do try very hard to follow in her footsteps and be the example for my daughter as she was for me. I pray that the strength that she gave to me I can pass down to my little girl.

My heart aches for the time I no longer have with her, and all the things that I will not get to share with her on this earth. My heart aches even more for Anaya because she will only have my memories and my stories to know her Mom-Mom Sue. I think my mom would have spoiled the socks off of her, and wouldn't even appologise for it! I would be lying to you if I didn't say that I am still scared to death to face this world without her. Part of my identity is lost, because she is no longer around physically.


Mom,

I miss you so much! I wish that we had more time together, I wouldn't wish the health problems but I would wish for the chance to talk and go shopping and to learn how to be a better mom and wife. There are so many things that I would chat about and pick your brain over. Most of all I would find out if I make you proud? My heart aches and hurts so much because I can't just pick up the phone and call you. I can't even keep your kids together, everyone seems to not want to get together and spend time with each other, I miss them as well. When you passed it was like, we no longer had a connection or a reason to get together. I feel like an outsider between my own sibblings and I feel like they don't care. The only one that calls me on a regular bases is Matt. My dad is a jerk and I won't even go there. Anyway, I will stop complaning and get ready for bed, I love and miss you greatly, I'm trying to be strong but soemtimes it's really hard! Love always, your baby.

The Weight of the World!

Do you ever feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders? If your a mom you know how it feels. I sometimes feel like i'm going around and around in circles and i can't seem to get off of the ride or out of the loop. I have nothing to complain about and i'm truly blessed...so what is wrong with me? I REALLY don't know. I sometimes wish for the girl that i use to be could come back and join the woman that i am. Does that sound crazy or what? I think i'm loosing it today... Maybe it's all this rain we have been getting. The gray clouds do nothing for my mood except make it sad. The use to be my favorite thing before i had kids...now it keeps them inside and me feeling like a caged animal. ALL right that's enough of my pity party...let's go get a beer!

It's been a while...

I know, I know it's been a long time since i last wrote. So much has been going on since I last wrote. We had Anaya's birthday party and of course she was the star that she is. =)~ She cracks me up! She brings so much joy into my life and I wouldn't trade her for the world. I just can't say enough about her.

We had our Mother's Day, I got to sing to Anaya at church...of course she didn't want to sit still for the song though. It went well.

Memorial Day weekend we took of and went over to Clearwater (FL). We came home and had a HUGE barbecue at home with all the fam and friends who are here.

Now we are looking forward to this weekend, because we are going to NJ to go see my family. This is John's first time meeting my dad and my grand mom. They are going to love him as much as I do. I can't wait to go to Wildwood and Cowtown. Really fun places that if you have never been, you would never understand and love. I am looking forward to seeing my brother Matt and my sister Linda. My BFF from way back who has become my cousin (Anne) she s going through some ruff time right now and I can't wait to hang with her. She is the coolest of cool! She has some beautiful kids and a great hubby...You go ANNE! I love you, girl! see ya soon.

Blessed and Highly Favored...

It never ceases to amaze me just how wonderful my God is! I get to wake up every morning and spend time with my beautiful family and friends (who are my family). It is gorgeous out right now and Anaya and I are going to take full advantage of it.

We are planning her 3rd birthday party...can you believe she is going to be 3? I can't. She is so excited about it being a Luau! She likes dressing up in the hula skirt and the leis. I think she would love being in Hawaii. We just might have to take a trip there.

I just wanted to take a moment and tell everyone just how much I love them...


I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Photobucket Album

Resurection Sunday!

I hope that everyone had a wonderful Easter, filled with lots of family and friends. For those of you who don't know me very well, let me just share with you how I feel about Easter and Resurectin Sunday. I am a Christian and I love the Lord our God with all my heart. I am thankful that God sent His only begotten son to die on the cross for me and my sins. Jesus paid the biggest sacrifice of all, He gave his life for you and me. I'm not perfect and I don't claim to be, but I know that Jesus walked a hill called Calvary for all of us. He endured the pain and suffering that was placed upon Him, so that there would be nothing between Him and I or Him and you. The thought, that He could have called thousands of angels to fight for Him and didn't...makes me realize that He truelly loves me. Do you know Him? Do you know that He loves you just as much as He loves me? Do you know that He knows everything about you, the good and the bad? He still loves you! His heart longs to be close to you and He wants to have a personal relationship with you...all you have to do is open the doors of your heart and let Him in. I can promise you that you will never be the same afterwards.

I am blessed, I know I am...I got to worship and celibrate Easter and Resurection Sunday with the greatest choir that I have ever been apart of. To my choir family and friends you mean the world to me and I felt the Lord's presence strongly all weekend long. You guys remind me of who I am in Christ and help me to find who i'm gonna be. You guys ROCK! Paster Keith and Lisa, you guys hold a very special place in my heart and I thank God for your friendship and support always! You will never fully know what you guys have brought into my life by just being my family.

I hope that everyone had a wonderful day and I hope that you make everyday Resurection Sunday!

May you always keep Jesus in your heart and let His light shine through you!

It's been a while...

hey, I know it's been a while since I last wrote. There has been so many things going on here that time has passed me by.

Musical weekend is coming again and the rehearsals have been long and prosperous. I love Easter and Resurrection Sunday! I serve and Awesome God and I love sharing the "Good News" with everyone. I get seriously emotional, when I remember that Jesus died on the cross for my sins. If you have never seen the movie "Passion of the Christ". you need to.

May God bless you all, Happy Easter!

Sea World

We decided to go to Sea World yesterday. They were having their annual Bud & Barbeque Fest. They have concerts and BEER and barbeque, Trisha Yearwood was in concert yesterday, so we went to go and see her. She is not my favorite but it was a good concert. The girls loved it!

Anaya was so funny, she didn't want to leave the dolphins and the turtles. It was a blessing to watch her checking out all the animals. I saw the world through her eyes yesterday and I was touched beyond words. She is not afraid of anything, if she could of gotten in the water with them she would have. I don't know who was the bigger kid...John, Taylor or Anaya. He is such a wonderful daddy, there wasn't place in that park that he didn't take those girls. It didn't matter if he didn't want to go or not. He was such a trooper. God bless him!

Happy Valentine's Day!

I just wanted to take a moment and wish everyone Happy Valentines Day. I hope that your day and eveing is filled with love and friendship. Today is the day to tell all those that you love, just how much you love them. I pray that you don't let today go by with out saying those three meaningful words...I LOVE YOU!

My wonderful husband, John has to work tonight...so we had our dinner last night. He brought the roses and gave me Weight Watchers candy. He is very thoughtful, he wanted to make sure that he wasn't the reason that I might get off track! God has truely blessed me when he brought him to me. I am just as much in love with him today as I was when we met...almost 5 years ago.

We are getting excited, John is going to finally get a chance to meet my Dad, Grandmom, and my sibblings. He is looking forward to going to NJ to see everyone. I can't wait to take him to Wildwood, I think he is going to have a blast there. I know that I always do.

Love to you all, Happy Valentines Day!

ANAYA HAS DONE IT AGAIN!!!!!

Wow! What a weekend! Anaya was so great, she went up on the stage and waved to everyone and blew them kisses! They ate it up. There were a couple of kids that were in the same show last year and belive me when I tell you some of those moms where seriously pissed off! John's ex Jimmie-lou was there and she entered her little girl...Allison and when she didn't even place...Jimmie-lou was ferious! She was spitting fire afterwards. She wouldn't even talk to us after the pagent. John said it was because she never placed when she was in those pagents.

I can't help that God blessed us with such a beautiful little girl. She had a blast though, even if she didn't win. She just wanted to be on the stage...she is such a performer...I have no idea where she got that from! LOL!

I'm glad it's over for another year. I'm tired! I don't know how those pagent mothers do so many. I thought I was going to throw up. I was more nervous then Anaya....she could of cared less. I was afraid i was gonna wipe out on the stairs. They were huge...I have little legs and almost didn't make the steps. Of course the trophies and the tieras are proudly being displayed on the shelf above the TV. Her sash and programs are put away in her memory box.

Thanks everyone who prayed for us and for all your support, we couldn't have done it with out you. To God be the glory! God is good ALL the time!

Pagent Weekend!

Ok, this is the big weekend! Sunday is the pagent for Anaya, she goes on at 1:15pm. Wish us luck! I'm nervous, I always wonder if I'm doing the right thing by putting her in this...but it's only once a year and it's the local fair...right? She thinks it's fun, she is already asking if it's the day of the show...I have to keep telling her it's only two days away. It doesn't matter how she does just as long as she has fun! I will keep you all posted on the outcome of the pagent. Pray for us and wish her luck. Pray that i won't throw up all over the floor. Anaya can careless, it's mommy who is the nervous one.

It's a Priviledge to Vote!

I am not really big on politics, but I do vote!. My mom told me that it was a priviledge and an honor to be able to vote...it something that you shouldn't take lightly. She would tell me that you need to be educated on what's going on in the world and with who is in office. She was a very smart lady.

This happens to be the biggest election in history right now! A Woman and an African American running for the presidency. How wonderful is that? It brings hope to others that one day they too maybe the one running for office.

I am proud to call America my home, my family has served in the armed forces and I have freinds serving over-seas now. They are fighting for the blanket of freedom for which I get to sleep peacefully under every night. I thank God for them and I pray for their safety. I pray that they all return home shortly and victoriously!

Alot of people do not realize just how important this election is...it determins our future and the furture of our children and their children. We are still one nation under God, and we should being praying on who He wishes us to vote for. We need to make sure that we look at everything those canidates stand for and where they want to lead our nation to. Our forefathers gave us the ablity to vote and there have been people who have did for the right to vote...they paved the way for you to be able to vote, don't you think you should honor them by going out to vote? I think you should, I know I did and I will!

I'm excited about this election and the role that i get to play in history being made. I can't wait to pass along to Anaya the excitement that I have on this issue, I pray that like my friend Anne, I can raise a child who is excited to vote and who gets sad when he doesn't get to go along. Well done Anne, well done!

Remember...go and vote, YOU do make a difference!

STUFF THAT DREAMS ARE MADE OF!

CONGRADULATIONS! to the Giants on their win last night. I was on the edge of my seat the whole night long. I thought at one point that their had lost the game, but Eli had another plan. He played his heart and soul out, he is finally out of his brothers lime light and into his own. Good for him! He showed America that there is more then one winner in that family.

Back to back winners...first Payton last year now Eli this year. Their father never got that title. I bet that he is as proud as any parent could be. I know I would be.

All day yesterday, I had to hear that the Giants were going to loose and not by a little but by alot! Well, what do you have to say about those Giants today? I thought so! Never bet against the under-dog cause they will prove you wrong every time!

Great job Giants! Way to go! You showed America that you wanted it more then they did. You deserved it!

THE GIANTS WON!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday

Thank God it's Friday...this week has seem to take forever. There is so many things going on this month, and not enough time to get all of it done. I need a vacation! Does anyone want to come visit a homesick girl? I know where we can get some cheap flights. You just have to drive to Allentown, PA.
I'm looking forward to going to NJ in late May early June. To be able to catch up with family and old friends...priceless! It's only been one year since I was home, but I didn't get a chance to see everyone. There are so many things we are going to do while we're up there. Wildwood, is one of them. John is looking forward to meeting my Dad and Grandmom. I think we are going to have a big birthday party for Anaya and I at grandmoms. All are welcomed. See ya soon.

Fond Memories...

For those of you who don't know NKOTB...where were you in the late 80's and early 90's? I can tell you that I was madly in love with Jordan Knight, I knew that I was the perfect wife for him and he just needed to wake-up and realize it! LOL. Anne and I use to sit up late at night an make our wedding plans for them. She is just as crazy about them as I am.

They are getting back together and they are going to go on tour pretty soon...how cool is that! I can't wait until them come here, I gonna drag my husband along, kicking and screaming. He'll love it I'm sure, if not he'll have to get over it!

It's Wed, happy hump day! My hubby gets home early on weds and we get to do a lot of family time. The rest of the week he doesn't get home until after 9pm sometimes after 10pm. He hates it because he doesn't get to see Anaya before she goes to bed. He tries to call her before bedtime, so she can at least talk to him.

Anaya has decided that she wants to be a doctor, I hope she does. She is so funny, she told me this morning that the cranes are monsters because they are so big. She thinks they are small dragons because they can fly, where does she come up with these things?

Slobs

I know that those of you who have a husband or boyfriend will be able to relate to this one. Why is it that they don't know where the laundry hamper is? Can they not see the Big basket in the bathroom? Do they think that the maid will be by in an hour to clean up after them? Take my husband for instance...he takes his socks off and leaves them on the floor. He will then get up and go into the garage (where the washer and dryer are). Did he take the socks with him? Nope! That would be tooo easy! Let's not even TALK about the bathroom it's self. He seems to find away to get toothpaste in every corner of the sink and vanity. I often ask him..."you go hunting and you can shoot a deer 100 yards away, but you can't hit inside the toilet?"

Why is it, that when you go out with the girls, the house is a total disaster when you get back? I don't have a dishwasher, so when i get home there is a sink FULL of dishes. What about just using one or two of them? Do they have to use EVERY dish in the cabinet?

I guess i have to be fair to him and tell of his good points. He does do a lot of things around the house and for me. He cleans and details my car, and sometimes i can get him to do some laundry for me. He is super sweet and a very caring man, he just doesn't know where is dirty socks belong! HAHAHAHAHA!

Let me know if i am the only crazy woman who thinks that this is not acceptable.

My beautiful baby girl!

Here are pictures of my sweet and beautiful Anaya. I think you will all agree that she is a character, she cracks me up. Some of these pics are from last year but there are a few current ones. I hope you all enjoy them, let me know what you think.

My weight loss journey

Alright, alright. Everyone knows that i have always struggled with my weight and keeping it off, now is no different. I have decided to really stick to getting my weight down and being healthy. I already eat some of the foods that are good for me, but now i am going to eat only the foods that are good for me. That means no more french fries and pizza, two of my most favorite foods. It's not that i can't have them i just have to have them made differently. No more fatty oils and fried stuff.

I'm not doing it because of any medical conditions, it's because i don't want any medical conditions. My doctor is surprised that i am healthy for being heavy. For those of you who don't know, my mom was a diabetic and had a serious heart condition before she passed away. I remember her haveing to test her sugar everyday and during the last couple of years, she would have a hard time breathing. I would have to give her insulin injections everyday twice a day. She hated it, i don't blame her it hurt. I miss my mom very much, she was gone from us at an early age and i don't want to die that young. I know that if the good Lord wants me home with Him, He will call me home when He wants. I just don't want to give Him any reason to take me at a young age.

Mom use to say, that you reep what you soe. She said it didn't matter if you were being mean to people or just mean to your body, ya get back what you give ten fold. I have a lot of making up to do with my body. I want to be around to see my childrens children. I want to be a grandmother and spoil my grandbabies. I have a lot of saddness, because my mom is not here to see my little girl. Plus, I can't call her up and find out what to do next. I know that i have family and friends who i can turn to, but it is not the same at all. My tia Judi has stepped up and is doing a great job, trying to give me the advise that my mom would have given. There are times when Anaya is doing something and i catch a glimpse of my mother. Those few fleeting moments mean the world to me. I know that my mom would think i was being silly and that i shouldn't miss her so much, but i do...a lot.

Ok, no more saddness, I plan on loosing 40lbs in 4 months. 10 lbs. per month I'm told that that is a smart way to do it. Wish me luck and keep me in your prayers, the Lord knows I need them! If you have any good ideas I would love to hear them. I am greatful that God gave me a wonderful husband who stands beside me no matter what, he also loves me no matter what size i am. Thank you baby!

No more babies!

I always thought i would want to have two-three kids. What was I thinking? I have two beautiful girls, one that God blessed me with by marriage and the other one that God gifted me, by delivery. I wouldn't trade them for the world. Today however I watched a 6wk old baby girl...I realized that I don't miss those days for nothing! Feedings every two hours and the pucking all over the place. This baby has projectile vomiting going. She can make it half way across the room! Even I can't do that! The smell of infant diapers is horrible, I thought for sure I was going to loose my lunch. You would think I would remember these things, I guess I got lucky, because Anaya never did that too me.

Not to rub it in or nothing to my family and friends in NJ...it is a little cloudy and 75 degrees outside right now. I have all the windows open and the ceiling fans on circulating the nice breeze. Do ya hate me now? I thought ya might! Everybody is welcomed to come for a visit and enjoy the nice weather. I have an extra room and lots of blow-up mattresses! See ya on the next flight! Come one come all!

Heath Leadger

I can't believe that he is gone. I had the pleasure of meeting him once, a few years back. He was very kind and generous. He was so young, it's kinda like River Phinox. I don't think he actually ment to overdose, I think he was just trying to get some sleep. Now he is resting forever. I liked his movies, I think he always chose really good roles to play. What a waste! I feel bad for his children, they will never get the chance to know their dad. Now the only way they will get to see him is through his movies. That makes me sad. I guess it's true when they say money can't buy you happiness.

I'm looking forward to this weekend, there are a couple of pre-Superbowl parties that are happening. We are also going to have a night out for our Anniversary. That's gonna be nice, John and I haven't been on a date since Anaya was born (she is almost three). I really think it's time. There are so many up and coming things, that we won't have time after this weekend. We have something going on every weekend until Easter. We will get a break for about two weeks and then it's on to more Rodes and shows. We only do two rodes a year, the same for the baby shows. I'm not one of those mothers that has to have their child in every pageant. I will get some of last years pics and put them on here as soon as i find them. I will probably have this years pics by the time i find last years. =)~

Superbowl

Man was i excited to see the Giants win the game. If it couldn't be my Cowboy's then why not the Giants? It was a great game to watch and just like everyone else I was on the edge of my seat for that last field goal. Wow! how cool was that?

There will be a Huge Superbowl party at our house. We will all be watching to see the Patriots get the butts handed to them. I can't stand the Patriots, i hope they get beat bad.

On another note, we are getting ready for the Silver Spurs Rodeo and baby show. Anaya is going to be wearing pink this year. We got her these really cute Ariat boots and she looks so adorable in them. Her hair is getting so long, it is still full of curls. She is beautiful! God really has blessed us with a beautiful little girl. She is very sweet too, she wants to make sure that if you are hurt or sad that she makes it better. She does.

I just want to say Thanks to my family and friends for loving me and my family. I know that sometimes things can be crazy around us but it is ALWAYS fun! kiss kiss

Voting

I have NOOOOOO idea what in the world is going on, in this world now a days. I just received an email from a friend of mine informing me about some of the candidates that are running for the highest office in our nation. It makes me mad that someone like Baraka Obama could think that we are dumb enough to not do our research about him and his past. It also makes me mad to think that soooo many people haven't done there homework. Oprah, is backing this man and a lot of people will vote for him because of her. I don't claim to be a big political follower, but i do follow the presidential race. I will also vote for a candidate that I think will be the BEST choice for our country and not because they belong to my political party. I don't usually talk about politics but i am fired up about this one.

It is a privilege to be able to vote and i think we should all vote. I also believe that we should do our homework and research the people who are trying to win our votes. We are still one nation under GOD! When we take God out of the picture and let someone who doesn't believe in the American Flag and the Pledge of Allegiance to run our country then we are defiantly asking to be taken over and letting OUR free nation go to Hell in a handbasket.

Reconnecting

Lately I have found myself looking back on my life and the person I was vs. the person I am. I relized that sweating the small stuff, really isn't THAT important. There poeple who are in your life for a time, a season and definatly for a reason. You should enjoy the time that you have with them and let them know just how much they mean to you. Ever since my mom passed away 3 years ago...I have reevaluated what was and is truely important. She was a wonderful mom and my very best friend, I miss her tremendously. I am proud of who I have become and the life that I have. I know that she would be too. I treasure my husband and my girls. They make me laugh and bring me such joy. John is a wonderful man, and the best husband a girl can ask for. God truely blessed me with him. God gave us two beautiful girls and I am eternally grateful. Taylor is 12 and growing up right before our eyes. Anaya, is 2 going on 30. She is too smart and just as beautiful.



I have this friend that I have been friends with for 30 years, and when I think about my childhood, there isn't a memory that she hasn't been apart of and shared in. She now has a husband and two kids of her own, and from what I hear she is a wonderful wife, mother, daughter and friend. She reminds me that life is too short and that we should live each day to the fullest. Thanks Anne!



I pray that the Lord will continue to guide and show me the way. The way back to old friends and the way to mend fences with family memebers that I haven't talked to in a while. I pray that He will continue to bless my family and friends. May God bless you and yours always.